Sexualised but not sexual | double standards, f*ckboys & confidence

In today’s society, we have a warped view of women. We talk about women’s bodies in the media, what they’re wearing, how they look, who they’re dating. Our society discusses these from a sexual point of view, always looking at how ‘thicc’ a woman’s thighs are and how attractive this makes her. Magazines produce articles about ‘how to please your man in bed’ but we don’t like to acknowledge as a society that women aren’t only on this planet for the convenience of men.

Shops such as Lovehoney and Ann Summers are helping to break down these barriers and taboos by educating women about ~*alone time*~ and encouraging female empowerment rather than blindly promoting lingerie purely to satisfy the male gaze. However, it is still considered awkward to be seen going into a shop or telling your partner what you do when you’re by yourself. So much so that these shops advertise the fact that they have ‘discreet packaging’. Why is it that whilst women are constantly sexualised in the media, having any sexual desire is still considered promiscuous or slutty?


The rise of the ‘f*ckboy’

If you have ever been on social media, you will know the term ‘f*ckboy’. It is the term we use to describe a guy who sleeps with a lot of girls. The term is obviously negative but is still not as offensive as the female counterpart – ‘slut’. It is that old conception that a man can sleep with as many women as he likes and be congratulated, whereas a woman can have several sexual partners and gain the label ‘slut’ or ‘whore’. If slut is used as an insult, f*ckboy should be just as a negative.. don’t you agree?

What I’m trying to say is: why do we encourage women to make themselves ‘sexy’ in women’s magazines and then tell them off for wearing ‘revealing’ clothes?

In recent decades, women who have experienced assault have been blamed because of what they were wearing when the incidents happened. As women, we are even critical of other women when they are wearing revealing clothes, because that is what is dictated to us through society.

How many times have you been out on a chilly evening when you see a queue outside a club at 10:30pm with girls in bodysuits and tiny skirts (all looking fierce with blinding highlight and perfectly groomed hair); and you’ve heard guys wolf whistle and try to talk to them – even though they aren’t out on the town to meet random guys in the street. But as soon as the girl refuse to give out their number, they have insults thrown at them along the lines of ‘slut’, ‘bitch’ or ‘whore’. Our society tells us that to attract male attention we should dress to impress but as soon as we don’t comply, we’re whores?

Taking back our sexuality

Be open with your partner/friend with benefit/boyfriend/husband (whatever your relationship is with them), tell him what you’re into or what you think about when you’re *alone* – you are allowed to have desires.

You might have noticed that a lot of men are quite blunt about what they’re into. Often some men can have unrealistic ideas of sex due to the widespread online availability of porn. Be honest, if you don’t actually like something, say so. Just because someone online said they like it, doesn’t mean you have to as well! We’re all different. Own it.

Try not to desensitise terms like ‘slut’ and ‘whore’ by using them to describe other women (or by describing yourself as one!!!). We’re on the wrong side of patriarchy together, don’t make it more difficult by bringing other women down.

Don’t ever feel pressured to dress up for someone and  if you want to look hot, do it for yourself and for your confidence, not because a popular magazine or social media star says it will impress a guy. Know what impresses guys? Confidence.

Men won’t be able to tell the difference between your red bandage dress or your crop top and pencil skirt on a date if they’re into you, but the drunk girl in the toilets will lose it when she tells you how *on fleek* you look.

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