You know the days when you can’t get out of bed? You’re mentally, emotionally exhausted. I suppose that’s depression summed up for me.
Last summer I wasn’t very happy. I struggled to motivate myself, I was getting ill all the time because my body wasn’t dealing with the stress and emotional problems. I felt useless. I didn’t want to go out, I didn’t want to do the things that usually brought me joy.
Somehow, I found a bit of motivation (or distraction) in blogging. Studying for a history degree has meant that when I write, it’s usually stressful and involves a load of research. I love writing, but uni work is different. I found that writing blog posts, about makeup, travel, student life, came to me easier (obviously, you don’t have to reference and source critique in blog posts). When I was in bed and I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I still found the energy to pull my laptop onto my lap and just sit and write. A lot of it was mind numbing sh*t, but some of it is on my blog now. I read others blogs, I did all the things around blogging like scheduling tweets, scheduling posts and sometimes taking pictures. It gave me a purpose, but a purpose that I enjoyed. I knew that this academic year I wouldn’t have the time or the energy to blog and study for my final year so I wrote enough posts to keep me publishing until Christmas.
Writing more meant I spent more time on my blog, and I eventually decided to go self hosted. This was a project I could do from the cocoon of my duvet or on the sofa, and after about 3 days, I had achieved (something I thought was) a major feat for me. I’m not exactly good at this blog stuff, I don’t understand SEO very well, I don’t have a newsletter and I can’t post every week. But it became my hobby and it gave me a reason to get up in the morning and just write.
Not only is writing (blogging) extremely therapeutic, the community that surrounds the blogosphere is so supportive and kind. Obviously you get a few exceptions, but my experience has been mainly positive. Once people actually started to read my blog, I realised maybe it is worth putting my energy into.
I’m currently at another low point. I suffer from post traumatic stress disorder and this affects my sleep, concentration and every emotion I have. I also have a 12,000 word dissertation due at the end of March, and another two essays creeping up on me currently. I love history, I love my degree, but I don’t enjoy juggling personal struggles with an already stressful BA programme. This time around I can’t use my energy to blog, because my degree is so important, but having it and looking forward to coming back to blogging is actually something I’m most excited about once I’m finished in May.
I started my blog to have a creative outlet, ramble on about things I thought no one would care about and have a space to write that was mine. Instead it turned out to be the best therapy, and it gave me such a purpose.
If you read that, thank you! I know it was a bit of a ramble. But I suppose that pretty much sums up my blog anyway.
Right.. I need to get off WordPress and stare at my dissertation until words start to appear. I’ll talk to you again in May!